All Blogged Up.

From time to time even those of us with verbal diarrhoea run out of things to say or - worse - get given actual work to do. And it is at moments like this that, far from doing the sensible thing and just keeping quiet, we start to repeat ourselves instead.

So in that spirit, I am posting something I wrote ages ago to that great defender of modern manhood, John Qwelane.

His original article is here.

My letter to him is below. And, I might add, he never replied. Rather rude, I thought.

Dear Mr. Qwelane,

We in Orania are retiring folk and enjoy the quiet life, so we have only just heard of your brave deeds. Your words are like swords, Mr. Qwelane, so we offer our humble apologies that we are only paying homage to you now.

Also, some horrible tourist spraypainted our koeksuster monument pink during Pride week, and the women have only just finished scrubbing. As I'm sure you understand, our men were held back in the workplace too since there was no one to feed them, so we suffered a great loss of productivity. The lack of racial diversity makes it very hard to find good help here, but let me not put you off before we even start talking.

You have a point, my good man, and we like the way you think. We have said for many years that this diversity rubbish can only lead one way, and that way is down. Of course, you may be realizing now what we have known for years: that the government's current brand of "democracy" is the very enemy of diversity – where the brave folks like us have to hide on a hill and whisper our views while the Nigerians come and hide in our churches. No, we say. No! If the faggots can have their pink panties and the Bantus can have whatever it is they have out back (we're sure we don't know), then we can have our Boerestaat. Live and let live. It is all in the name of peace, as you know.

Now, Mr. Qwelane, we know you are black, but we like the way you think, so we are willing to overlook it just this once. You've proved your belief in the old ways, after all. Just between you and me, you are a man who stands up for traditional values and doesn't apologise, so if anyone should understand our unflinching stance on diversity issues, of course it is going to be you, not so? No fear of whining about 'isms' from you, oh no! You, my man, are the leader when it comes removing the insurgents, nailing your colours to a mast. You – in your infinite strength of character – have found it in your heart even to stand up for Uncle Bob, so maligned in his old age, with lots of favour but zero fear. So let me not ramble any further and get straight to the point of this letter, before the Zanu-PF beats us to it and snaps you up as their mascot.

We in Orania need more men like you. We pride ourselves on building a state on the solid old pillars, where Men are Men, Sheep are Scared, and no one is afraid to speak his mind. Did the pioneers of Orania flinch when those shirt-lifting liberals shook their manicured fists at us on ever-limper wrists? We did not. We stood, tall and proud, with a koekblik in our left hand and a Mauser in our right, and with our remaining hand we built the koeksuster monument. And it is that hand that we would like to extend to you, Mr. Qwelane. We believe you'd fit right in here.

You're not our usual type, if you know what I mean – but you have the right ideas. We think you'd be really happy here, a great citizen, with your solid family values and no-BS attitude. You'd be free to hate anyone you like – judgement is not frowned upon here, so we'd all be on the same page. Harmony at last!

Please find enclosed a token of esteem from the private collection of Tannie Betsie Verwoerd, a beautiful crocheted doily with which to wipe your brow when the pressure of holding the flag for us real men becomes too much. We have also enclosed a pamphlet from our local estate agents. We have a lovely spot out back that would just suit you.

Should you be interested, we would love to welcome you into our cosseted community. You are a real man, whose views on diversity and solid family values so perfectly reflect ours. Please visit us any time.

Amandla! Velskoen!

With warm regards and an ongoing battle cry,

Pres. Carel Boshoff

On behalf of the Leaders’ Council of Orania